Letting go in the ‘in between’

"Sometimes the best thing we can do to gain control is to let go of it completely.”

So I’m about to step on a plane once again and travel to the other side of the world. It’s exciting and unnerving all at the same time. I’m returning to Prague with a few stops along the way to revisit some cities that hold a piece of my heart. It feels surreal to know I’ll be walking those cobblestone streets again after five years.

Prague is one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Those streets are some of the dirtiest if you look down, but when you lift your eyes, you are drawn into a cityscape like no other. Then there are the little-known spots I discovered while living there: the small coffee shop nestled halfway up the castle steps where the coffee is average, but the views are stunning, and the tourists are few, and the gelato shop that launched my love of real pistachio ice cream. It's the little things right?! 

If only it weren’t so far away. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to click my fingers, count to three and walk along Charles Bridge without entering an airport! 

I’ve heard people say, “Getting there is half the fun.” Well, I'm not so sure about that. I’ve spent more time in the air than I would like, and although I understand the privilege of travelling to some of the most amazing places in the world, being high up in the air is not my favourite thing to do!

I’ve been in planes that were new and sparkly and also those that made you question if you were ever going to get off the ground. I once boarded a flight in Africa surrounded by chickens and smells that lingered long after we landed. It sure was an unforgettable experience! I’ve been on flights where it almost feels like you’ve landed before you have taken off, and then there are the flights that feel like they are never going to end! 

Those long-haul flights are long! There is a lack of space, and I spend 16-18 hours with no real movement surrounded by people. I usually choose the window seat to pretend I’m in my little world (all the introvert feels, although I’ve met some incredible people on my flights). It’s a good choice—until I face the slight embarrassment of scrambling past the people sitting next to me to trek to the bathroom! 

But what I sometimes find challenging is the unpredictability of the flight itself. You could say I’m a nervous flyer, although I'm much better than I used to be.

During one solo flight, the seat belt light went on, and straight away, the captain asked the crew to take their seats. I knew then that we were in for a bumpy ride! The turbulence was so bad I gripped the seat so tightly I thought I’d never let go. Before I could stop myself, I had played out every worst-case scenario in my mind. It felt like fear had a tighter grip on my mind and heart rate than my fingers on the seat, and the worry was doing all it could to find a solution. It was as if, through worrying, I could somehow stop the storm and level out the plane. But in reality, it only made things worse. 

And then I had a thought. I couldn’t land the plane nor control anything happening around me, not even by my incredible worrying ability! Obvious I know. Whether we stayed in the air or plummeted to the ground had little to do with me. Now, I believe in the power of words and prayer to change things; my prayer goes to the next level in these situations!!  But as far as navigating the storm, all I could do was sit back, regain some calm in my mind, get my heart rate down and pray. And then the exhale came. It wasn’t until I let go of the desperate need to control the plane and all that was happening around me that I gained back some control of me. 

It's been a challenging lesson to learn. There are still times when I’m on a flight, and the familiar call goes out to return to the seats and fasten seat belts, which causes my heart rate to rise and my thoughts to wander. It's then when I remind myself of the very small chance of something going wrong compared to the thousands of flights that safely reach their destinations every day and…that the turbulence will pass, calm will return, and I will set foot on land again. 

Not only that, but I will arrive, and the destination will be worth all that happened in the ‘in between.’